a real character

I am seething with anger. I am not that hormonal I don’t think. My day started badly. Not at home and I even got away with getting to work just about on time (or a minute or two late!) but since then it’s just been downhill. The worst is I was annoyed and possible came off annoyed and then this girl spoke to me. We chatted and she bitched and later I realised I had fallen for it again. She always does this, makes you feel ok with her. Tries to get on your side. The screw up is what side is that?
I’ve seen her bitch and be best buds with other people to. Sat for office lunches and see her opinion change in a matter of seconds just so that she is in agreement with this new best friend. I’ve seen her botch up and conveniently blame anyone else around. She’s fairly loud and extremely pushy, a true ‘hey don’t push me around missy’ type. Almost intimidating I have to believe that our bosses have their moments of wonder with her as well. I wish I had a fine tongue that was capable for some cruel lashing. The thing is overall I quite like her and worse than that I almost applaud her because even though she’s pretty new, she came in and made the office hers immediately. Took the important people over.
I on the other hand have always felt it’s better to take your time and teeth your way in when you’re new. But I realise I actually nibble and that just takes way to long. I am now ready to assert myself. Say what I feel right or wrong because I realise most people have little or no idea about what they’re talking about, they just bank on the fact that you know even less. Being firm and sure is the first step. The second is to go do some serious research and get the facts. I always concentrated so hard on the finding out/exploring/ and experiencing thinking —isn’t life all about learning? Guess what? While I am not tired of learning I am ready for more — I am ready to be firm and secure and take charge. I am surer of this now than I have ever been. I have no idea how to go about this change. Whether it should be physical but hell I’m going to make a fresh start in every way.
My plan for now:
1. Buy new dresses
2. Get a fun haircut (of course that would include getting a hairstylist who is good)
3. Wake up early in morning to make sure clothes are well put together
4. Add a few heels to the wardrobe and a few less flats (face it-my feet hurt anyways)
5. Put on a wee bit of make-up everyday. It is NOT too much just makes you look nice. (Think of beauty tips for a nice clean and subtle day look – already have brown eye pencil for not-so-dramatic but still there eye approach)
6. Wear a good attitude and look for options of what else can do with self

Well six is a good plan for starters and hopefully the next two weeks will see this change. I have started in a small way already. Now it’s all about taking it all the way. Watch out Missies and annoying Misters. I have a few or at least this one guy in the office who I for some reason am convinced has a big fat stick stuck up that bum of his. Nasty! I know but it is what I feel and honesty to myself is definitely the path I’m on now.

The thing is I just woke up the next morning feeling —This is it I can’t keep wondering about what I’m doing and I most definitely can’t continue complaining if I wasn’t going to do anything about it. You know turn into one of those annoying people who always have a problem with everything. Nothing’s working in life because in truth it’s easy enough to complain and fret about anything, good or bad.
It was like I had reached a new clearing. All the fuzziness of the many sleepless nights and the constant worry were behind me, like one of those back pains that mysteriously disappear after a good nights rest. I was seeing clearly and I was challenging it all. ‘Do what you like I am working with the universe and I will conquer my world once and for all’.