This is something I just can’t get my head around and the more I think about it, the more confusing it gets. And once again I have one more emotion to deal with – confusion. I’ve never thought of myself as moody, yet I can’t deny it.
One minute I’m sitting, chatting to my self, unaware or at least uncaring of anyone around, or what they might think.
The other I’m so overjoyed overhearing my neighbours music, heart singing to it’s tunes and I can’t quite put a finger on what I’m so thrilled about, just that suddenly my universe seems to have opened up and all the positives in my life are showering down on me like sparkling stars.
An hour later I’m placid again. Now there’s just me and my thoughts, and the realities I face seem to be ok. Something I can consider dealing with, no desperate urge to hide.
That’s when the doubts creep in and the questions come spilling out, like a can of worms.
Just a few at first and then an overwhelming number that never seems to end, seeping into every corner of my brain.
My head’s a jumble and I try to think, but it’s hard to keep up.
Am I happy? Am I sad? What is it that I feel? Because till I figure that out I don’t know how I’ll reach my answer.
What is it I want?
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